Wednesday, January 2, 2013

FROZEN BLOOD - THE BEGINNING

Read the Conclusion here

It had been one hell of a day for Raghav. Three months ago, he would not have imagined his life would take such a turn. He writhed in agony. How much did his heart and soul yearn to roll those three months back! He would kill for that. Yes he would. Kill! He was walking back after another fruitless day. With every passing day of ineptitude and futility, his vengeance simmered and its rumble matched the sky’s thunder. It was a dark night and the lack of stars in the sky was synonymous to the lack of compassion in his heart. Compassion is for the weak; hope is for the meek he thought. The bolt of lightning gave him God’s consent. 

Sumitra was pale and her pulse was frantic! This house which had flooded her mind with myriad memories of bliss now seemed alien. The windows were closed yet a macabre chillness engulfed her. She could hear a scream and it was the pain from a wronged soul. The loyal walls echoed the scream to a deafening resonance. It was their homage to their master! She had lost track of time and place. She was not in control of herself anymore. She would wander aimlessly around the house all day desperately searching for happiness which she felt was permanently buried inside those walls three months ago. She heard footsteps but they were not approaching her. They were leaving her forever and she hysterically ran behind them. They led her to that dreaded well!

It was a hellish night and the streets were deserted. The wind was lashing ruthlessly and even the burliest of trees were feeling rickety but Raghav was emotionless and resolute. Nature had nothing to destroy in a man who had been ripped apart by fate. That moment, a thunder bolt struck with vicious intensity, and in that split second flash he saw the silhouette of the car that had rendered his life meaningless. He could still see frozen blood in its tire tracks. Standing near the car were four men, each of them deserved a death as cruel as life was for him!

Sumitra stared into the well with a distracted glare in her eyes. For the first time, she actually realized how deep it was. There was an invisible chill from deep inside that was more forceful than gravity as she tried to hold her own. Suddenly she felt a touch and turned around with a start. It was her father. She smiled at him. He smiled back. Ironically the smile on his lips blended perfectly with the pain in her heart. She crumbled on his shoulders. He took the position of the well bucket and implored her to let him go. Tears rolled down his cheeks along with a lifetime of memories. He “My girl.. I want to give you something before I leave.” He opened his hands and offered his heart. It was then she noticed the hole in his chest. She shrieked and released the rope. The bucket splashed against the water and deposited a few drops of blood on her face. Her soul trembled at the reverberating echo. She ran inside terrified.

Ramcharan was a simple man who had lived a life of principle, simplicity and happiness. He lost his wife early and from then on his life revolved around Raghav and Sumitra. He worked all his life in the textile mill run by the local big shot Ambarish and his sons. A sad predicament to a man who was born in a well off business family! But bad luck and a wastrel uncle spelled doom and by the time he had reached his adolescence there was nothing left but for their ancestral house. But he was a very content man and found peace with his fate and happiness blossomed in the form of his adorable children. He watched them grow up to be fine individuals. While Raghav became a clerk in the bank, Sumitra took up teaching the little village kids in the local school. With just a few months for his retirement, the only thing that worried Ramcharan was Sumitra’s marriage. That was when Aditya came into their lives.

Aditya was a rich lad who was the charming and capable son of the local landlord. It took him only 2 visits to the local school to lose his heart to the lovely and caring school teacher. Ramcharan knew that Aditya’s family was beyond their means or status but Aditya’s personality and his sincere love for Sumitra sowed seeds of hope in Ramcharan’s heart. As he had expected, it wasn’t easy as Aditya’s father turned out to be the typical haughty landlord and put a huge prize tag for his precious son. His life long savings would only cover half of it and he reluctantly looked at this house as it gently smiled back at him. He immediately went to his old friend Kishorilal who happily lent him money on the house at a minimal interest rate. He was really surprised and overwhelmed by the rare benevolence of his miserly friend. He was going to retire and a lump sum awaited for him in a few months which he felt should be enough to recover the pledged house soon. Or so he thought!


                                                                                                                         TO BE CONCLUDED…. 



38 comments:

  1. They way you have built the plot has left me intrigued and asking for more. Impeccable writing style. I am waiting for the next part...

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    1. Thank you so much Meenakshi. :) Am so glad you like the writing style and the story. :) The next part would be up very soon. :)

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  2. Oh gosh, you have stopped here! awaiting the next part. The well part of the story, really gave me the goose bumps. The scene practically played in front of my eyes! I guess I know how this goes ahead.

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    1. Thank you so much Jenny for this wonderful comment. :) Your comments are always so special. :)

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    2. oh wow... hmm.. looks like you have thought out how this is going to play out. :) Let us see how close you are! ;) Sorry for stopping the story at an important point. Will put up the next part very soon. :)

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    3. No Raj. Your imagination power is miles ahead of what I have! I never thought about that twist. I never realised about all the deaths of all those 3 people.

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    4. he hee.. no way. That is the advantage of the writer. You can introduce any twist you want to. :P Hopefully it was not forced into the story. Let me know if you thought so!

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  3. Title is very fascinating... it caught my eye the moment I saw it :P

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    1. Thank you so much Jyoti for the lovely comment. I am glad you liked the title. Hope you like the second part too. :)

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  4. I am happy that you have picked up this genre again-already hooked.Your words bring out the whole scene so vividly,it is a pleasure to read you.

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    1. Thank you so much Indu. I am happy to back to this genre too. :) I am so glad the story has got you hooked. :) The second part will be out very soon. Hope you like it too. :)

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  5. Oh My god very very gripping story totally was lost in the magic of your words and then you leave us in suspense cant wait please please post the next half soon.
    Amazingly written, just cant find right words to praise this tooooooo good Raj,


    BTW though its not the style, should I expect my hero Ramanujem in the second half?

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    1. Thank you Ramya for this wonderful wonderful comment. Every comment of yours makes my day. :)

      Don't worry.. I won't keep you waiting for a long time. The second part will be up very soon. :)

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    2. yeah.. you guessed it right. Sorry.. Ramanugem is not going to make an appearance here. But he will be back very soon. ;)

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  6. Awesome Raj.. Your stories always leave us spell bounded but I hate the last line TOO BE CONTINUED... :(

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    1. I am so sorry Sonia. I couldn't squeeze all of the story in one part. But good news is: the second part is out there. So do read and let me know what you think. :)

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  7. That's fascinating Raj. I hope the next part is coming up soon.

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    1. Thank you so much Jas. I am so glad you liked it. :) The second part is up. Hope you like it too. :)

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  8. When you said that the footsteps were not coming but going away, it epitomized pain and loneliness. Also, the line 'smile perfectly blended with the pain in his heart.'

    You portrayed the pain and emotions in your narrative with such honesty and detail that I am having sympathy with them. Hope the story ends on a positive note...

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    1. Saru.. every comment of yours is so special. :) The way you are able to see and read what emotions and thoughts I had in my mind for each of the characters is phenomenal. It makes the writer so happy. And I am so blessed to have a wonderful reader like you. :) Thank you so much.

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    2. Now that you have read the second part, I am sorry.. the story didn't end on a very happy note. :( I must write one of those. Too many of my stories have sad endings I think. :(

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  9. Raj that is a good story and its coming up very nicely.

    amazing and i will say the same what others have said lovely story

    Bikram's

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    1. Thank you so much Sirji. Am so glad you liked the first part. :) It really means a lot. :)

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  10. Not saying anything....next part plssssssss......

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    1. he hee.. okies.. am waiting for your comments. :)

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    2. The second part is up. Do let me know what you think. :)

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  11. this is a brilliant start. we have no clue where the story is heading. one thing for sure, i will be visiting your blog everyday to see whether you have written the next part or not.

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    1. Thank you so much Deb. Am so glad you like the first part. :) He he.. that is the advantage of writing a story. You can keep it vague and twist it the way you want even if it makes absolutely no sense. Half of my stories are like that. :P

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    2. And yeah... the second part is up. Do let me know what you think. :)

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  12. Continue. your readers await what happens next. it has unfolded in quite a fashion so far:-)

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    1. Thank you so much Stuti. It is always wonderful to see your comment. :) Am so glad you liked the first part. :)

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  13. Continue. your readers await what happens next. it has unfolded in quite a fashion so far:-)

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    1. The second part is up too. Hope you like that one as well. :)

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  14. I am a great fan of your writing. What impresses me the most is the way you take care of every little detail. Too good :-)

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    1. Thank you so much Ashwini for that wonderful wonderful compliment. :) Nothing can be more fulfilling for a writer. :) You just made my day. :)

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  15. Love your story telling as always...that incident at the well was frightening...

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    1. Thank you so much Bhavana. I am so glad you like my writing style. That really means a lot. :)

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  16. Excellent narration...am going over to part2!

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