Saturday, January 30, 2016


These days, ghosts and zombies are the most popular creatures around and they seem to be having a lot of fun at the expense of human beings in television and who knows may be in real life too (for all those believers out there). Piqued by this trend, one celebrity took it upon himself to turn the tables on zombies. That man is none other than Donald Trump, who is possibly one of the greatest (pun highly intended) Presidential candidates in the history of America. He devised a novel idea wherein a group of people will have to work together and in the process play some games with a tied up zombie. I wonder why he has the urge to deal with another zombie. I thought he was already having fun with Jeb Bush.

The creative team has designed a great concept to bring this idea to fruition. They did extensive research to come up with an exciting list of celebrities to join Mr.Trump in this endeavor. They have set up a huge room with several artifacts and props. This is the room where all the celebrities have been locked up for this fun act. On one corner of the room, a blood thirsty zombie is chained to the wall. Now all these distinct personalities have to find a way to coexist and work together and escape from the room. Every 10 minutes, the chain will be loosened a little and the zombie will be one step closer to its prey. The group has 60 minutes before they are toast. They must solve a series of puzzles and find clues around the room that will ultimately lead them to the key to exit the room.

Now without further ado, let me reveal to you that list of crack pots who are locked together in that room. Of course there is the incomparable Mr.Trump. He is joined by his Presidential rival Hillary Clinton, Korean numero uno Kim Jong-un, Mr. James Bond, “Mocking Jay” Jennifer Lawrence and the one and only Thalaivar Rajinikanth.

Let us get right into the action where the participants are engaged in a heated debate as to what the plan of action should be. Well, except for Rajinikanth who is sitting quietly in a corner and enjoying a cigar. Kim Jon-Un tries to approach him to make an alliance.

KJU: Hello sir, I am not sure who you are but you seem very familiar. I will have a tough time understanding these idiots. I think we should team up. Do you know English?

Rajni: Kanna… I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English!

Clinton: Who is this guy?

Trump: Is he Mexican?

KJU: Don’t know. But he is very famous in Japan.

Bond: Are you guys kidding me? He is Rajini freaking Kanth. He can do things even I can’t do.

Bond regrets making the statement instantly as the ladies in the room immediately turn their attention to Rajini who blushes in his trademark style. But Jennifer realizes that they have a job to do, so she tries to bring the discussion back on track.

Jen: Well guys, I have quite a bit of experience in games like this. So here is my 2 cents. We should work as a team and never turn on each other. That is exactly what the zombie wants. We should be very quick and resourceful as we don’t have much time. We have already wasted quite a bit trying to know each other.

They hear the first gong. The zombie’s first chain is released. It starts to stir.

Trump: Well, look here lady, whoever you are. I think you didn’t get the memo. I am the one who always runs the show. And it is a real shame that you only have 2 cents to offer. I, on the other hand, have billions of dollars to waste.

Clinton: You are already doing that by running for President.

Trump: You will have to eat your words very soon. The first thing I will do after I become President is deport this Zombie.

Rajini: You don’t have to do that. If you go and talk to that zombie for 10 minutes, I am sure it will leave the country.

Everybody lets out a chuckle as they wait for Rajini to say something else but he goes back to his cigar.

Clinton: I certainly don’t agree with this. We must find a way to give this zombie a legal path to citizenship.

Bond: You are “Hillary”ous.

Donald Trump: Come on, She is ugly!

Hillary rushes to slap Trump but is pacified by Jennifer.

Another gong sounds and the zombie’s chain is loosened a little more. It starts to move forward.

Trump looks to Kim Jon-Un to get some support for his deportation proposal.

KJU: Between you becoming President and this zombie eating my brains, I would certainly prefer the latter. At least I get the satisfaction of seeing the zombie feasting on all of you idiots, especially you.

Bond: Guys, we are losing focus. So,Katiniss Everdeen… what do you think we should all do?

Trump: She is ugly.

Bond: Are you blind?

Clinton: He is Trump.

Jennifer gives him the finger.

Clinton: We need to come up with a detailed plan to neutralize this zombie. Let us discuss some ideas.

Bond: Well, there is no time for that. The zombie already has a detailed plan of eating your brains and burping your eye balls out in the next hour.

They hear the third gong go. The zombie claws its way a little further.

Jen: Enough of talk, guys. Let us look around the room. We should see our first clue somewhere.

KJU: Got it, got it. I found a note on the trash can at the corner.

He hands it over to Jennifer who reads it out loud. “You can find your next clue perched on an item whose name sounds like the capital of Libya.”   

Jen: Does anyone know the capital of Libya? Make it quick guys.

Trump: Is it in Mexico?

Clinton: Oh God…. What is with you and Mexico! I think it is Benghazi.

Jen: We are looking for the capital, not the only city you know. How about you James? You must have had some adventure in Libya.

Bond: We are doing our next film there. But I haven’t read the script yet. God damn it!

KJU: Come on Trump and Hillary. One of you should know the answer. Didn’t you guys bomb that place?

Trump: No, but I intend to. After I am done with Pyongyang!

Jen: You are all good for nothing. Let us apply reverse psychology here. What all do we have in the room? A couch, two chairs, a telephone, a radio, a TV, a safe, a tripod stand and a camera! I got it. It is Tripoli.

The fourth gong echoes across the room. The zombie has a smile on its face now.

Bond rushes to the tripod stand and presses on the camera perched on top of it. It opens up and there is a small piece of paper inside it.

Bond: Well done Jen. But we are running out of time. We must act fast. Now let us see what our next clue is.  “Solve the cross-word puzzle in the newspaper. 14 across is your next clue.”

Jen: Oh God. We are doomed. You guys can’t even solve one clue. How can I expect you to solve an entire cross-word puzzle?

Rajini: Ha ha… chellam... Why fear when Rajini is here! this is jujubi for me. Here... take it!

Everyone looks at him shell shocked as a mesmerized Jen takes the newspaper from Rajini who lights up another cigar.

Jen: You are a genius. Okay… what is the clue in 14 across! It says “NEWS”.

Bond: Well, it has to be related to either the radio or the TV.

KJU rushes to switch on the radio. They hear nothing but the fifth gong. The zombie is halfway across the room now and looks to have picked a favorite. Hillary switches on the television.

They see a documentary about the World War II playing on TV.

Clinton: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

KJU: Can we watch it? I don’t really know much about World War II.

Trump: Sure. You can see what your fate will be if you ever go to war against us.

KJU: I can nuke your ass off any time.

Bond: Shut up you clowns. Let us think what does this mean? The clue must be in the video.

Jen: Look at this. I found this note under the TV stand. It says: “This is your last clue. What is playing on the TV will lead you to the key that will unlock the front door of this room. Good luck to you and bon appetit to the zombie.”

Trump: Did you look under the TV thoroughly? May be the key is there as well!

Clinton: Why don’t you check your pocket? Even a rabbit will have more IQ than you.

KJU: Let us think where can we find a key? Must be somewhere obvious. Aha… Got it! It should be inside that safe.

Bond: Brilliant. Now all we need is the combination. And it is somehow connected to World War II.

Jen: It could be the year the war started.

Clinton: Or the year it ended!

KJU: Good job. Does anyone know these dates?

Clinton: I know it started in 1939. I think it lasted for 4 or 5 years.

Bond: Yes, it ended in 1945.I remember that from the script. Let us go and try both. One should work.

Jen: Yes, and let us get the hell out of here.

At that very moment, they hear the final gong. The zombie is fully free and is standing near the safe with a wide grin on its face and a twinkle in its eyes.

Jen: Oh God. We are doomed. Bond, do something. You always find a way out of these impossible situations. If you get me out of this, maybe we can do dinner tonight.

Bond: I wish. But do you really believe all that you see in my movies?

There is complete panic in the room as the zombie is inches away from its favorite prey and no prizes for guessing that: Mr. Trump. I think it likes his hair.

Suddenly they hear a loud thud and the door is broken into half. Rick and Daryl from “The Walking dead” enter the room. Daryl puts an arrow through the zombie’s skull while Rick blows its brain with a bullet. They shake hands with Rajinikanth.

Rajini: Kanna, I could have finished this game in 5 minutes. But I wanted to have some fun and see what you guys do. But I was pretty sure you will mess it up. So I had my Plan B. Anyways, I had a great time. And if you want to have some more fun, you can tie Mr.Trump up and play this game once again. Merry Christmas folks!”

Rajini walks out with Rick and Daryl as the others look at each other in bewilderment.



  1. Trump apocalypse is near. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost; for none now live who remember it. It began with Trump's plan for a Republican election victory in 2016 - idiots were swayed by his racist talks, the neutrals were interested, the elves (wisest of all beings) listened with rapt attention. But they were all of them deceived, for another plan was made: in the land of New England, in the streets of New Hampshire, the dark lord Trump forged, in secret, a master plan to control all others. And into this plan he poured his cruelty, his malice,and his will to dominate all life.

    1. Very true that. Trump's shadow is indeed looming large and if he has his way, we might be in for trouble.

    2. And that was an apt Lord of the rings reference too.

  2. Awesome script and fab cast, Raj. And really funny dialogues.
    You really seem to have gotten to their heads.

    I love how you put in the 'Mexicans' and the characters' GK and the hair and of course the quintessential Rajini one-liners. Super aa irinthichu!!
    I enjoyed this one so much. Thank you, Raj.

    And, God Save America from the 'incomparable.'

    1. Aww.... you made my day with such a fab comment. :) Thank you so much and I am so glad you liked the humor. :)

    2. And yeah... If the incomparable comes to power, more than a few feathers would be ruffled (literally and figuratively).

  3. Enjoyed the dialogues, especially our favorite Rajni's How do you imagine all these ?!!! :)

    1. ha ha.. thank you so much for profuse praise. :) Having grown up with Rajini's films, his dialogues are imprinted in my mind and come out easily.

  4. I so wish he reads this. He skipped the debate last Thursday. And if he ever comes near The Great Rajni, he will leave planet earth. I was LOL, literally.

    1. ha ha.. Saru... that is a terrific comment. I was imagining how a real encounter between Rajini and Trump would be. ;)

    2. Oh yeah... I too so wish he reads this. Alas I don't have his personal email id. Or else I will send him a link. :P

  5. Very nice imagination and well penned Raj
    .....loved it

    1. Thank you so much Jaish. :) I am so glad you loved it. :)

  6. I have this feeling He is going to WIN.. has lot of public support with all that is going on around the world... it is scary :)

    he is so rude but I guess saying the right words that people want to hear .. especially the WHITE (not that i am a racist), heard his talk on Muslims and then about SIKHS tooo ...

    loved the script .. and smiled at lot of places ..


    1. That is a scary feeling Sir ji and I have it too. It will be chaos if he does win it and who knows America and the world might not be the same.

      I guess people love rhetoric against the existing situation which is always inevitably bad. Once he comes to power they will realize that he is no different and probably worse.

    2. And yeah.. there is no doubt, he is outright rude and cocky all the time. But the biggest surprise is people like that quality in him. That is just beyond me.

    3. It is scary .. and if he wins Things will change and the world will not be the same BUt I dont know if it is for good or not good ..

      WHat is more scary is to know that people have the same thoughts as him.. and the number is grwoing day by day


    4. yeah.. you are absolutely right Sirji. And I think the world will change more towards the bad than good.

    5. And here is another strange thing... We keep reading he is leading the polls. But thus far, I have not come across one person who is a Trump supporter. ;) Guess they are all hiding somewhere. :P

  7. Awesome casting, fantastic conversation...its mind blowing.

    1. A very warm welcome to you Jyotirmoy. Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment. Am so glad you liked it.

  8. My my!!! This was such an amazing read!!! 😊😊
    But on a serious note, living in the US I get very worried!

    Cheers, Archana -

    1. Thank you so much Archana for the lovely words. :) Am so glad you liked it.

      Yeah.. you are right... people are getting more and more polarized which has resulted in people like Trump manipulating their thoughts.

  9. I don't give two hoots to who wins in the promised land. They have rarely sided with us. Are we Hindians bothered with all those Rajni Kannas around? That was a truly scintillating play: Bernard Shaw would be proud of you!

    1. yeah.. you are right. I don't give a damn about who wins either. It is one funny rat race that is playing out as a true soap opera. :) And thank you so much for the lofty praise. Really humbled. :)

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