Tuesday, September 18, 2012

AN ALTERNATE HYPOTHESIS TO EINSTEIN’S THEORY OF RELATIVITY


You all might be wondering (You see, I like to believe) where the hell I have been. I have been in a self-imposed exile of sorts. The reason might not be very difficult to guess. Recently I published a cartoon (sort of) which indulged in a (restrained!?) mockery of, let us say, politicians (See Here). And then a few days later, Aseem Trivedi happened. I, too, have a small contribution of cartons to mankind, and they are not exactly famous for their “educational content” or “political correctness”. Now you see why I have been lying low. I see some nodding heads, some bemused faces and a few sarcastic grins. Either ways, I do first want to register my heart felt agony at the treatment that is being meted out to him. These are really dark days. I am not such a brave heart. Hence I went into hiding. Well, for other people who were able to catch my bluff: okay, I agree I have been lazy too!

But this unprecedented harassing of Aseem Trivedi has made me think (err… I see you doubt my thinking abilities). But trust me, the signs are ominous. Inside sources (#$@?) tell me that CBI doesn’t have any work to do and has been given the commission to weed out innocent people like us who, if nothing, try to express our views in different ways and forms. Now I see worried faces. Don’t worry. I believe the CBI would exhibit the same trademark aptitude and adeptness as we have seen it employ so often in trying to track down innumerous corrupt politicians and dangerous criminals. Ah... Now I see some smiles reinforced!

By the way, before I forget, Manmohan Singh did send me a blank email as a silent protest to my cartoon. And how dare I question the caliber of Rahul Gandhi! In his defense, I received two resumes detailing his accomplishments (??!) and the myriad skills in his repertoire; one from the man himself and the other from his “MAA”. And well... you guessed it right. The two resumes didn’t have a thing in common.

Meanwhile, I have had another sensational revelation about the BJP. Though it has been attributing its “hostage politics” of stalling the parliament to “acting in the interests of the people”, I have come to know that the party members have taken a very addictive interest to a certain game called “Poker”. Not the Prince Harry one. That was “Strip Poker”, you silly! This is the U-certified version to suit our “culture”. So everyday these guys make quick work of the session and rush out to have their post-lunch game. And the stakes are so high that the ultimate winner would bag the “Prime Ministerial” nomination for the 2014 elections! Guess that might be their only chance to get a "consensus" candidate! 

Sorry for digressing! Where was I? Oh yeah, I have been exploring my options to defend myself in case anything eventful happens. Not that I don’t trust our CBI, but just in case. My future though, looks bleak. I had this ingenious idea of using Facebook to voice my views, express my concerns and garner some support, but Mr.C’mon man immediately burst my bubble. I recently published a cartoon featuring him and denouncing Facebook. Damn!! And Mr.Zuckerberg didn’t take my article “In your face” too lightly either. I could see that he had personally edited the codes (being an ex-software engineer helps as I can just make this stuff up) to “unlike” all the “likes” the post got on Facebook. You might see this as a cheap gimmick of mine to portray as if I actually got 100 likes instead of the 2 likes you see. But trust me; Mark even unliked my “like”! Now you must be wondering who among the two of us was more desperate! 

You can clearly see I am going nowhere. But don’t blame me. Just like the Indian Industrial output, the US employment data, the value of the Indian rupee, my creativity has also been on an all time low. During such a period of extensive creative drought, I tried my hand at different tactics to spur my brain and get the creative juices flowing but to no avail. Recently I tried writing a murder mystery with Mr.Ramanujem. I did manage to complete that and was feeling pretty comfortable about it until my mom came to play spoilsport. She managed to guess the killer after reading the first page, thus sending the story to the garbage can. My boss, on the other hand, started finding my budget numbers exceedingly mysterious. This made me realize that writing stories during office hours is not such a great idea. If you miraculously thought that I have started working now in office, be well informed that I have reverted back to Solitaire!

I guess both you and me have had a fairly strong dose of boredom by now. So I leave you at peace!
 
P.S: Oh… forgot to tell you. The title was just a spur of creativity. It doesn’t have any relation to what I intended to write. Any relevance you were able to find or infer is purely coincidental.

49 comments:

  1. This is more than well worth the wait-you simply rock!!!!!!

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    1. Am glad you liked it Indu. :) Thank you so much for the wonderful comment as always. :)

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  2. :) he he he he .. Good one Raj Sir.. enjoyed reading this article.. I better watch out too on y coments and posts if i write any.. who knows when i land in delhi or anywhere they are there ready to arrest me for something I did ..


    Bikram's

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    1. he he... thank you so much Sirji. :) yep.. it is good to be watchful a bit.. though you can rest assured of CBI's credentials! :P

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  3. I was going to ask you about the title :).

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    1. Having a fair idea about my IQ, you must have guessed that the title would have no relation to what I write or even can write. :P :D

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  4. hahaah .. Too good , i really enjoyed it .. !!

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    1. Thank you so much Anu. Am so glad you found it humorous! :)

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    1. Thank you so much for the lovely compliment. :)

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  6. I started reading with a lot of apprehension wondering which books I had to refer to comprehend your post( I mean when I saw the title) ha ha....Your creativity is in full form Raj....So better start writing more, whether mom guesses the killer or not :D

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    1. Rest assured... I left Physics behind in school. :P It was also equally happy to have me off its back. :P So I wouldnt torture anyone with such brainy stuff. Not that I can if I want to either. :P And thank you so much for the lovely lovely comment as usual. :)

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  7. Hey, you remind me of our friend in self-imposed exile, Deb, with that title thing and all! Tell me, are you trying to throw off the dobermans of CBI by academic sounding titles? What if the FBI gets you man? They only have to drop a line to our desi outfit before they put two and two, i.e. David Headley and you together! It's been an interesting post with trademark punches of irony and humour. Please don't go in hiding again.

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    1. Umashankar.. If I did remind you of Deb, then I couldnt have had a better compliment than that. :) Deb is just phenomenal and my favorite in this genre. I hope he comes back soon.

      I agree with you.. it is not going to be easy to throw people off with academic titles. :P But hopefully the CBI's dobermans are in their trademark slumber. ;)

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    2. And thank you so much for the lovely compliment. Every comment of yours means so much and they motivate me to write more. :) And yeah.. wont go into hiding again. :)

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  8. ROFL Raj, lol awesomest lines of sarcasm very very humorous ;) loved it!!!
    BTW with this post you have pakka reserved a cell next to Aseem's all the best welcome home soon ;) if you think you are far away somewhere safe :D dont be so happy these days CBI's have onsite opportunity also ;)you are gone!

    Also MOManuGem is awesome lol ur story thrown to recycle bin irreversibly hahhaa :d thanks MomanuGem otherwise you would have written one more very good post ;) and become more popular !!! :D

    And yes me too find solitaire blogs yella super interesting only btw 9-5 monday to friday I dont know how :D Hifive on that!!!

    totally loved this post ;) keep coming back like this with a bang :D

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    1. ha ha Ramya.. seems like even if the CBI isn't willing or capable of tracing me, you are more inclined to have a cell booked for me in jail. :P I am thrilled to have such wonderful and caring blogger friends. :P :D

      Momanugem.. wot a creative and lovely name! ;) And thank you for the wonderful comment as always.

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    2. After reading Jenny's comment, looks like you both are co-conspirators working with or for the CBI! :P Why this kolaveri??

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  9. There is certainly a relation with LOL in the post, so the title may not be totally apt but has connections in bit and pieces. I loved the humor in it, the political sarcasm and most importantly sympathy for fellow creative person.:P

    BTW, your mom is really intelligent, I can never crack the mystery in any story. :) A fun read with doses of wisdom in between :)

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    1. Thank you so much Saru and am so glad you were able to find a relation with LOL. I am thrilled. :) So nice of you in telling that my mom is intelligent. You could have also said that I had written a pretty dumb story (which would not have been far away from the truth either). :P :D

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    2. And btw.. I too cannot crack the mystery in stories. Hence have started creating them so that I know them already! :P Okay.. really bad joke I guess! :P

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  10. Hahaha. :D :D
    Loved the post. ;)

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    1. Thank you so much Vinay. :) Am really thrilled that you liked my aimless ramblings. ;)

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  11. After this how dare you declare your creativity is low. Beware now, the CBI is on its way! And forward those resume to me too please, I could copy paste a few :-) And ofcourse all this was related to relativity! If not, I ordering off the CBI again :-P :-P

    Keep this coming Raj, awesome! (and you never know it could keep the CBI at bay ;-))

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    1. ahh.. there is another CBI officer. ;) Why this anger at me? Why do you want to put this poor guy at the hands of the CBI. Or are you one of those officers yourself? Now I am terrified! :P

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    2. And yeah.. forgot to tell you.. thank you very much for the awesome comment and for liking the mindless ramblings. :) And point noted: if you say this is related to relativity; so it is!

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    3. Good you accepted to what Jen told!!! Else beta you were gone!!! trust me you are all free there only because you accepted :D LOL

      So Raj, Dont think that we have let you free just like that! we are only waiting for you to reach the threshold and once you do so ;) your next scene would be in KalaPaani. BEWARE ;)

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    4. Omg.. now I am threatened and bullied around by 2 CBI officers in a tag team! :( Looks like there is no place for me to hide. Thanks for reminding me what is in store for me behind the bars of Kaalapaani! :P

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    5. And now the CBI demans new posts, a lot of them because none has come up in OCT!

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    6. How can I not comply? If CBI has such terrorizing (read terrific) officers, I can't disobey, can I?

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  12. My first with a humor post in your blog, Raj and you wowed me!! Now I shall spend the rest of the day relating relativity and this post :)

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    1. Ahh... thank you so much Suresh for the effusive praise. :) Really means a lot. Well.. don't spend too much time on it. Otherwise you might actually come up with some new theory and Einstein wouldn't be too happy with me then! ;)

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  13. The headline proves that you have a potential career in advertising. The pay sucks these days, though, so I wouldn't recommend it.

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    1. A very warm welcome to you here. :) Oh.. Advertising and me.. am sure I would make a hash out of it either ways. :P But thank you so much for showering the wonderful compliment! :)

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  14. First of here is a whack from my belan for throwing me off track with the title. This post has been lying in my to read folder for a long time because I was in mo mood for physics. (you do write such academic stuff too, right?) But once I got past the title I couldn't stop smiling and laughing alternately. If this is the produce of a barren brain, then what would be the outcome of a fertile imagination? Remember, no trick titles next time, ok?

    And don't you underestimate our cyber sleuths who can see through any old title and have you sprung :D

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    1. Zephyr.. whack accepted! ;) The title decoy was only for CBI sleuths. I am sure you are far more intelligent to look through it! :) :) I don't write academic stuff.. that is Prof.Eisenkleiftovich! ;) Don't worry.. Physics and I don't share a romantic relationship. ;)

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    2. And thank you for the lovely lovely compliment. Every comment of yours makes my day for sure. :)And rest assured.. no title tricks the next time as I know another whack would be in order. :P

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  15. Oh dear, I thought it was all about Physics...! Thank goodness, I didn't ignore it--what a post! LOL....Too good!!:)

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    1. ha ha.. Panchali.. never make that mistake again. First of all my IQ is not good enough to comprehend anything of that sort let alone to produce something like that. And Physics has given up on me (thankfully) a long long time ago. ;) Thank god you didn't ignore the post. :) Thank you so much for gracing it and for such a lovely compliment. :)

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  16. Creative drought? Really? From what angle? Fine job as always. Love the way this post 'flows' from one thing to another. And I must say, it was such fun to read it.
    You mentioned RamanuGEM and got me all set for the next story. Garbage can? No!! Just work on it again. Redo it and put it up ... please.
    Happy weekend (and happy-working on the next whodunit) ;)

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    1. Thank you so much Divya for complimenting my mindless post. ;) I am so glad you found it humorous enough and it entertained you. :) Sure.. Ramanujem is sure ready for action and will be back soon. ;)

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  17. Good one, Raj! There were many gems in this post of yours no matter how much you deride it ;-).

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    1. Thank you so much Rachana for liking it and for the wonderful compliment. Every comment of yours definitely makes my day. :)

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  18. Came here while checking your blog for the Directory of Best Indian Blogs that we were updating last week. But what a nice piece I got to read! I'm even more glad as I am in the same boat on our views about politicians, Aseem etc.
    For one, I won't blame CBI. In its present avatar [R.I.P. Jan Lok Pal], it is nothing but 'his master's voice'. So, if you and I write something that his master [it could be Cong or BJP or Didi/Mulayam's third front] does not like, it will bite. We are lucky that so many people in the country write or speak things that his master does not like and the probability that he'll bite is miniscule. But who knows, you could be the lucky one the next time. [Hop you are not scared imagining that!]

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  19. A very warm welcome to you here Prabhakar. :) Really nice to see your lovely comment. :) I am so glad you found my writing resonate with your thoughts. :)

    Yeah yeah.. I will not be surprised at all if CBI comes fishing for me. :P

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  20. Initially, when I saw the post title in other post of yours, I thought that its going to take a lot of google search to understand the terms in the post. Laughing out loud seems so much suited to this post! Mark Zuckerberg thing, 2 dissimilar resumes of Rahul, Manmohan's blank email.... You are a gifted writer.. I envy your skill!!! I am a budding blogger and so happy to look upon you people as my guide... Great post!!! Satire and humour are the best suited labels to this post :D

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    1. Hi Harikrishna.. thank you so much for the lovely comment and generous compliments. :)

      hee hee.. thank God you didn't run away after seeing the title. ;) I am so glad you like my writing style. It means a lot to me and hope you enjoy reading other posts too. I read your blog and you are a fine writer yourself. :)

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  21. I see you left a comment on my post my dad and me. I do not remembering know you in person. Have we ever crossed by or you just came across my blog ....

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    1. Hi Manjusha.. I am sorry I don't recollect commenting on your post "My dad and me". I may be wrong. If so, kindly share the comment that I left. I don't think I know you in person. :) If I had left a comment, then it must be that I came across your blog and had found it interesting. :)

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