COMIC RELIEF

It has been a while since I wrote something after “A Truth’s destiny”. Sorry for taking a rather long break. But this hiatus was not a self imposed one. Sometimes creativity doesn’t listen to us. It is more like nature and we are at own peril to try and change its course. And being an ardent lover of nature and creativity, I decided not to interfere. We set ourselves certain standards and there are times when you feel that something is missing in your writing. I did go through this phase wherein I found all my writings incomplete and lacking in zest and life. And I have also been occupied with a lot of other things and so haven't found time to indulge in things close to my heart. But thankfully I have successfully restrained myself and have not subjected you to those works of mine which I would have second thoughts reading! I am also sorry for not having read quite a lot of your blogs. I plan to do that as well as soon as possible. 

Anyways… Thank God there is humor that acts as a much needed elixir in testing times. So amidst this drought of creativity, I still have some comic relief to offer. And thank heavens.. our politicians are there to lend me a helping hand in my efforts. Just imagine how sad our lives would be without them. So here I bring you a very short preview of things to come in Indian politics. It has already being touted as the battle to watch out for in the future. Clash of the Titans, if you would! Come 2014, and you may well be talking about this epic collision. Okay.. before you guys plan to kill me, I sadly break the suspense. It is none other than the Modi vs Gandhi war. I can hear a few chuckles already. For those who are not yet amused, you can see the first teaser below.

Now that we have seen a glimpse of the future, we can come back to the Present. The phrase “Status quo” has never had so much significance, thanks to this man. A man who I am sure will have difficulty recognizing his own voice (I can hear you say "If he has one"!). They say there is calm before a storm. And it has been a long and eerie calm. So I leave you with: “The Immovable Object!” Now please don’t ask me who is the “Irresistible Force”?

THE LAST DANCE

I am sure all of you are eagerly awaiting the commencement of the 2012 Summer Olympics. But I hope you have not missed our own version of the Presidential games which has been a roaring success over the last several months, thanks to the popular gimmicks, intriguing twists, spine-chilling maneuvers and daredevil stunts of our political gladiators. Please don’t ask me who the athletes to watch out for are! I reserve the right to not answer this preposterous question. For the benefit of some folks who are a little weak in (general) knowledge, I would like to highlight that there are in fact two contenders and not one. And Mamta Banerjee is not one of them!

Though our Presidential process is a fairly insignificant one and its impact is going to affect no one other than our Tourism Department, it has still lived up to the reputation of a tamasha! And what do I say about the sincerity and vigor with which our two crusaders have gone about their campaigns? Certainly in terms of the entertainment quotient, Sangma has an upper hand. He has shown time and again that he has got the moves. His dance performances have lent some flavor to the otherwise monotonous rat race. But he has got some competition from Pranab who has mastered a completely different dance form: dancing to the tunes of Sonia jii. Give the veteran some credit: after all there are so many exponents of this art and to stand out is no mean feat.

But when it comes to planning, no one beats Pranab daa. Right from the day his dream of being Prime Minister was squished, he has been meticulously and masterfully moving the pieces in anticipation of shifting base to Raisina Hill. Right from taking travel tips from Pratibha Patil to ensuring that he is already a President in university textbooks, he is running one hell of an organized campaign. I bet you can accredit two five year plans to this noble cause. I have insider information that even Mr.Obama is seeking his tips. I hope not on matters of Finance though.  And in my not so humble opinion, I think it would be of international interest if they consider a Rotation program in their tenures. Surely the Americans (and the world) would for once welcome a President who is fairly inactive while Mr.Obama can talk his way into the hearts of the Indian Public. Some loose “Change” would help too!

In this entire hullabaloo, the Governmental institutions have been kept on their toes. The Postal Service particularly has had to deal with an unusual surge in the letter traffic as the candidates are on a writing spree urging for support from all quarters. And with majority of those letters being directed to a Ms. Banerjee, a lot of people are wondering about the mysterious absence of an entity called the telephone in the whole process. A Mamta wing has been set up in West Bengal post offices to handle this emergency.  There is also a lot of bustle in jails these days as several inmates are shuttling in and out to wine and dine with the future President of India. If you thought jails were intended to be some form of punishment, you are in the wrong planet.

Be it reaffirming their solidarity or grabbing some brownie media points, the politicos and party allies are enjoying all the attention. Mulayam Singh Yadav has had his share of fun in the process, first by flirting with Mamta for a few hours in what would go down as one of the shortest flings in political history and then doing a sly volte-face showing his homely allegiance to Sonia Matay. Not to mention his latest gimmick, accidentally voting for Purno instead of Pranab. Oops! And there are others who take their team player roles a little too seriously. Mr.Karunanidhi for example keeps announcing his support for Pranab every other day on television, first cordially, then warmly, later resolutely and then officially.  Finally, the cat and mouse courtship drama of the Congress to woo Mamta had all the ingredients of a blockbuster reality show and it narrowly trumped the Paes-Bhupathi-Bopanna extravaganza.

Since there was never a buzz or anxiety (except for Mr.Sangma) around the outcome of the President’s race, the entire country had waited with bated breath as to which side Didi would sway. And boy, did she arrive in style or what! She rendered complete justice to a famous Rajnikanth punchline: “Late aa vandalam latest aa varuven”. Guess you won’t need a translation for that. But even the ever astute politician in Mamta missed the biggest trick that could have changed the landscape of Indian politics. Instead of choosing the poor old pawn Mr.Singh as one of her choices, she could have played the biggest political check mate by choosing the Rook(ie) Mr.Rahul Gandhi. By doing so, she would have had the once in a lifetime opportunity of confining the future of the masses permanently to the future. Now he has announced that he will soon assume a larger role. May our souls rest in pieces! Even a 1000 God Particles cannot save us now!

Image Courtesy (Cartoon):

http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/cartoon/article3654452.ece

FAST AND FURIOUS

Diwali is just round the corner. But this year the festive season has been preceded by a rather long fasting season. Anna Hazare is the talk of the town. Everyone under the sun is performing his or her own “Anna”tomy of corruption and what should and should not be done. TV channels and media can’t have enough of the man. Having an opinion about Anna Hazare (and not necessarily about corruption) is the latest fashion trend in India. Hazare is at the same time a “youth icon” who has revolutionized a whole nation as well as a sanctimonious right-wing tyrant so cloaked in his own virtue that he believes he is above the law. Some people talk about the silent war he has been waging for the last 2 decades against corruption in Maharashtra while others joke about his sudden claim to fame as a household name today. Some people feel empowered and are out on the streets. Others feel threatened and lambast his hooligan ways.

Our politicians may not be good at creating good business models but they are extremely good at copying a successful strategy and rehashing it to death. So they have already pirated Anna’s weapon (which was instead re-invented from Gandhi) and are coming up with their own personal marketing strategies. So post Anna phenomenon, we are witnessing a plethora of wannabe fasts (read “spectacles”) by BJP (spearheaded by none other than Mr.Narendra Modi) and Congress. Now I can understand that Congress went into the fast because Modi did so. But I don’t get why Modi is fasting and that too for 3 days. Well, no cake for his birthday at least!

And media as usual is having field day after field day covering every such event to its most intricate detail comparing and contrasting them with star-studded debate panels. That is all about these popular fests.. sorry fasts. Now I want to direct your attention to a woman who has been fasting for the last 10 years and we have barely noticed her. She is “Irom Sharmila”, the world’s longest hunger striker, who has completed 10 years of fasting against human rights abuses in Manipur and is determined to continue until death.

Irom Sharmila has been on a hunger strike since November 2, 2000 seeking the Government of India to repeal the controversial Armed Forces Special Powers Act (AFSPA) which has been the cause for violence and grave injustice in Manipur and other parts of North-East India. The event that triggered this innocent girl to give up food forever (until now) was the “Malom Massacre” where 10 civilians (which included a 62 year old woman and an 18 year old Child bravery award winner) were killed while waiting at a bus stop by the Assam rifles in an encounter with militants.
      

Manipur is a state of turmoil, where violence has been implanted forever by continuing insurgency and a draconian state. Insurgents largely made of criminal gangs have been demanding autonomy from India while authorities have made the state as militarized as Kashmir. This gave rise to the AFSPA, a legislation to give police a license to kill as well as complete immunity from prosecution. The AFSPA allows the army to use force, shoot or arrest anyone without warrant on the mere suspicion that someone has committed or was about to commit a cognizable offence. The Act also prohibits any legal or judicial proceeding against army personnel without the sanction of the Central Government. Now as every autocratic law has its causalities, this one also has resulted in plenty of extra-judicial executions, rape and torture of innocents.

All this has led to a decade long struggle by a determined woman who has waited patiently and painfully for the nation to hear her voice. Three days after she began her strike, she was arrested by the police and charged with an "attempt to commit suicide" and then kept alive in custody through the use of “nasogastric intubation” or force-feeding. Since then, Irom Sharmila has been regularly released and re-arrested every year and has been force-fed through a nasal drip for a decade by the authorities. She spends her time in solitary confinement in a hospital ward (read “jail”) reading and writing poetry and hoping against hope that her fast unto death would end before her death and not in her death. Her determination is such that she hasn’t met her mother in all these 10 years and her mother says she will meet Sharmila after the demand is met. If this doesn’t move us to tears then God help us!      

She has been fighting death every day for the last 10 years and her fight has largely gone unnoticed while Anna Hazare’s fight against corruption became a “Second Freedom Struggle” for many in this nation. What is the difference between the fights of Anna and Sharmila? In simple terms it can be compared to the public response to India winning the Cricket World Cup as opposed to India winning the Hockey World Cup. It has nothing to do with the people leading the fight. Their motives are compelling, intentions strong and determination is rock solid. But what about the followers? While Anna has the whole nation behind him, few people in this country (and more people abroad) are familiar with Sharmila and her 10 year hunger strike. For the Indian urban middle class, Anna’s movement is a convenient bandwagon to jump on. For the Indian media, the geo-political insignificance of the North-East doesn’t translate to enough TRPs. And one fasting woman is not going to wake the Government up from its eternal slumber!

One of the reasons Irom Sharmila has gone so unnoticed is that the issue she is fighting for does not connect or resonate with the people of India whereas corruption instantly makes every citizen in India see red. We don’t care if a few innocent people were killed in the corner state of Manipur. But we all complain about the 50 rupees we have to pay to the traffic constable and how that is such a heinous crime and should be weeded out of our society. To me, Irom Sharmila’s cause is not as popular but is much more potent. I am not saying we shouldn’t fight corruption. All I am saying that this is an even bigger and nobler cause. It is a matter of life and death! (Literally) And all she needs is a bit of selfless support from us. I am sure it is not too hard to just raise a voice for her!

It is real irony that a man who is accused of being spectator to one of India’s greatest mass homicides is celebrating his birthday with a sham of a fast whereas a poor woman who is fasting for the last 10 years is constantly arrested on charges of attempted suicide. I don’t care about the former but I sincerely hope that the latter comes to an end sometime soon!

IN THE LAND OF GANDHI

Mahatma Gandhi was not the commander of huge forces, yet he was a very powerful man. He was thin and lanky but yet he could make many a bigger man go weak on his knees. He had the most simple yet utterly powerful weapon: the inherent goodness in his opponent. When you take every blow he dishes out with a smile on your face, no man is cruel enough to go on. Eventually he will be forced to stop and change his ways. This was his ideology which created a bloodless revolution to free an entire nation. Using this powerful weapon, he fought many evils and conquered most of them. He managed to unite the Indians, eradicate untouchability and most importantly he forced the British to leave. The only thing he could not avoid was the partition of India and Pakistan.  Till date, he is the national and international symbol of free India!

Well, people know enough about Gandhi and I am not here to educate you about the Mahatma. But the question I am trying to find an answer to is: “What has happened to Gandhi?” The sad truth is that though we remember Gandhi (primarily in our currency and on his birthday), his principles and ideals have long been forgotten. If we analyze a step further, not many people today agree with his principles. You may be shocked to hear this but I can assure you that not many people today believe that non violence, non cooperation or “satygraha” can win battles for you. They would say that it will not work in this age and you will get crushed by people who have the money and power to do anything. I assure you, most of the people in Gandhi’s time would also have thought the exact same way. Try to believe my last statement for a second. Then you will realize the true greatness of the man who led by example and mobilized an entire country to do something they would have never dared to do!

As we celebrate another year of independence, we cannot ignore a striking similarity between the India today and the India before Independence. There is a Gandhian movement that has been gaining a huge momentum for about a year now. But this time we are faced a much bigger enemy than the British: “Corruption”. Yes. By now, you would know that I am talking of Anna Hazare. I am sure a year ago corruption was just an afterthought. We would have dismissed it as being so prevalent and common-place.

But when shameless corruption seeps down to the lowest rung from the highest quarter, such an eventuality was just waiting to happen. All it need was the right man to take up the fight. Anna Hazare’s movement comes at a time when the all-pervasive nature of global capital and every man’s greed of power have created an ambience of corruption all over the world, laying bare the skeleton of a decaying system. And most importantly, it is the same forgotten and disregarded principle of the Mahatma, reinvented by Anna Hazare that has again united thousands of Indians against corruption.

So what is Anna fighting for? He is pioneering the Jan Lokpal Bill, an anti-corruption bill drawn up by prominent civil society activists seeking the appointment of a completely transparent Jan Lokpal, an independent body that would investigate corruption cases and provide justice within 1 year. You can call it one kind of instant justice system (only seen till now in movies) where a corrupt person found guilty would go to jail within two years of the complaint and his ill-gotten wealth would be confiscated. But most importantly, it seeks to create an autonomous all-powerful body that could prosecute politicians and bureaucrats without Government permission or intervention. Now all this and especially the last clause spels ominous signs to politicians.

Anna’s fast-unto-death made them yield some ground and a joint committee was formed to draft the bill. But that benevolence from the Government’s side did not last long. Differences arose, and both sides went ahead and drafted their versions of the Bill. The Government has introduced its side of the Bill in Parliament. And Anna planned to go on another fast-unto-death yesterday condemning the Government’s “Joke”-Pal Bill. The Government, clueless, confused and terrified, had him arrested and ironically put in the same jail as that of Suresh Kalmadi who is facing severe charges of corruption. No wonder the nation is at its boiling point!

The Government’s reactions to Hazare are no different than how British struggled to handle Gandhi. Today’s arrest of Anna is another victory to him and his followers in the battle against corruption. But unfortunately the similarities end there. Gandhi’s battle had a desirable and acceptable alternative to the British – a free country and an Indian rule. Anna’s fight doesn’t have that luxury. Sadly in today’s India, a fight against corruption is a fight against the Government. And we have an opposition which doesn’t even offer vocal support to Anna’s movement. They only use it as leverage against the ruling Government to score brownie points for the next election.

But still, that doesn’t undermine the success of Anna’s movement in any way. It has achieved 2 very important objectives. The people of the country are united against corruption and the Government is in utter panic. I strongly believe that this is a great start and that a time will come when manipulation of the masses will no longer be possible. I am sure we will soon see the demolition of the spectacle of corruption as part of a bigger political movement. And I am sure Anna will hang in there till then. And by doing so, he would have done something only one man has succeeded to do before!

REVOLUTIONS IN THE MAKING: PART II

Gaddafi may the biggest story right now. But we will soon realize that there will be more sequels to follow. After Asia, Africa might be the next logical step for an economic take off. But for that to be possible, Africa must rid itself from its many Gaddafis. And Robert Mugabe sure makes that list!

Obama’s popularity ratings might not be high any more, but Mr. Mugabe is flying high as he was ranked as the World’s Top (Worst, of course) Dictator. He could have been another Nelson Mandela that Africa desperately needed. He was the torchbearer of the liberation movement against minority white rule and he emerged as a hero in the minds of many Africans in 1979 when Zimbabwe was finally independent. In 1980 Mugabe was overwhelmingly elected to power and this is where the similarities end. Mugabe seemed to like Hitler more than Mandela. Mugabe steered his country through a period of early decline (1980 – 1999) whose major highlights were union struggles, torturing any opposition, increasing autocracy in public sector and a weakening economy.

Then Mugabe felt that the pace was not enough. So he decided to unleash the period of deep decline (1999 – 2008) on Zimbabwe. And the star this time was “Land Issues”. Mugabe redistributed land as if he was playing a game of Monopoly. Hyperinflation, fuel shortage, drought, food crisis and epidemic also made their presence felt. While life expectancy declined since 1990 from 60 to 42 years, Mugabe was going strong at 84. Inflation in Zimbabwe is so bad that the Government recently released a 50 billion (Zimbabwe dollars!) note just enough to buy 2 loaves of bread. Unemployment rate has gone beyond 85%. Mugabe finally agreed to hold an election in 2008 (how very generous of him). Well you wish! Apparently, he would accept the result only if he won. His supporters killed 163 in the opposition and tortured 5000 and after a “recount”, Mugabe miraculously assumed power again.

But now problems in Zimbabwe have reached such crisis proportions in the areas of living standards and public health that has caught lot of international attention and is causing internal uprisings. Mugabe was first forced so share power with the opposition in late 2008 which might be the first signal that the end may be near. He is up for elections again now and the opposition is so strong now that it can no longer be suppressed by torture. Mugabe has to be more creative than that.

His continued hold on power is a testament to his own wiles and the “mind your elders” deference the international community once showed him. But the people of Zimbabwe have made no such assurances. Mr. Mugabe: I think that there is a difference in being “old” and being “wise”. You can still choose to be “wise”. But you must hurry or you will be too “old” for that!

WHO WILL BE THE NEXT GADDAFI? REVOLUTIONS IN THE MAKING: PART I

For long, Africa has been the continent that could have been. Abundance of natural resources was always neutered by the presence of monarchy and corruption which have successfully exploited the world’s largest continent and left it hungry, poor and most importantly: Angry! Libya, Tunisia, Syria and Egypt now certainly testify a continent that could be.

Before you jump into the conclusion that this post is my take on these revolutions, let me introduce you to “King Mswati III”. You may go: “Who the heck is this guy?” He is the absolute (one of the last of his kind) monarch of Swaziland. Some of you may wonder: “Is that a country by any chance?” Sure it is!! Finally if you have lost your patience and wondering what I am getting at, I am trying to point you to the next “Muammar Gaddafi”. And Mswati III sure is one of them!

Mswati III who has ruled Swaziland for 25 years received the throne from his father who apparently ruled for 60 years (Well…that’s some job security!) He practices polygamy (maybe he thinks that it is in vogue!) and at least two of his wives were appointed by the state (wow... State seems to keep itself quite busy). He is a connoisseur and luxury monger in the true sense as he spends lavishly on yachts and bling while 40 percent of his population is unemployed and a quarter lives with HIV or AIDS. Can’t blame the poor guy completely. He has so many wives to take care of!

Mswati III exercises absolute power on one of the world’s poorest nations and what are his policies focused on: “Strengthening and perpetuating the traditional order”. In 2004, he reportedly spent about $5 million to build palaces for each of his 11 wives! While he was busy juggling his wives and buying expensive cars, Swaziland quietly surpassed Botswana as the country with the highest AIDS prevalence rate. Political parties have been banned for 40 years now (helps to be an “absolute” monarch after all) and he has a history of crushing any opposition before it gains any significance.

All this sounds like a great recipe for: You guessed it right - REVOLUTION. Africa has no shortage of forests and the African revolution is sure spreading like wild fire. Next stop might be Swaziland! Public unrest in Swaziland is at its all-time high. Students are at their wits’ end about the lack of freedom in their homeland. Perfect stimulus for a country for which happiness is long due. Mswati III better watch out, it may be difficult to count your wives but your days are numbered!