A few months ago, I wrote you my first letter. And dare I warn you: The first of many. It still seems like you came into our world yesterday. But very soon you would have spent a full year lighting up our lives with bliss and excitement. Time just flies by at break neck speed and before we know it you would grow from a tiny little prankster into a cute little monster. You have given us a lot of firsts and very soon they will turn into lasts and there will be a new set of firsts and so on. In this crazy maze of time I don’t want to lose track of all those beautiful firsts (and lasts) that you give us every other day.
The firsts will be precious, the lasts will be agonizing, but several years from now, they all will be precious little bits and pieces that we will have of you to savor. I don’t want to lose those to time. Your mom and I would love to treasure every single moment of your existence but it is not humanly possible. But we will try our level best to lock up as much of you as possible in our brain cells and pen scribbles.
Putting you to sleep on my shoulders is a bliss that I have grown too used to in the last year. It is something that I look forward to every single day. The way you wrap your arms around my neck, bury your head in my shoulders while your gentle breath tickles my neck thaws my heart. I know you are getting bigger and stronger by the day and soon there will be a time when I can no longer put you to sleep in my arms. I still don’t know how I am going to handle that. We will deal with it when we get there. But for now, I am not letting you out of my arms.
I have grown into such a big fan of your toothless smile that it almost feels weird when I see those little teeth trying to make their way out. I know your smile is going to look as gorgeous as ever, but still it feels like I am going to miss something so precious. It has been a while since I have felt time move in my life. But now you have given me a new meaning for time and its mystique.
Very soon you will take your very first step. Literally! Without our support. With your very own tiny little feet. We will try to hold you, clasp you so that you don’t fall. You will signal us to stop. You will say you have got it. And then off you will go. Exploring our little house two baby steps at a time. And soon enough, before we realize, our legs won’t be fast enough to keep up with you as you set out to explore bigger things.
Whenever I think of you, the first thought that runs through my mind is that how cool it would be if time stops right now. At this very second! Why do I think that way? Why? I don’t have the answer to that question. Well, then, I don’t have answers to many more questions. Why is it that I cry sometimes when I sing you a lullaby? Why is it that I don’t want to let you off my shoulders long after you are sound asleep? Why is it that I find it idyllic to sit next to you and watch you sleep? Why is it that I find it hard to decide whether to smile or cry when you wake up from your sleep and give me your cutest smile? Why is it that I don’t want you to grow out of that cute little dress? Why is that I find it difficult to replace your toothless smile with your twin bunny tooth giggle even though it is equally gorgeous? Why is it that I don’t want to wipe off the guacamole mustache that you have expertly designed after you have tired your mom off trying to feed you?
Why is it that I want to keep smelling you? Where does that divine scent come from? And how is it that it has already changed 4 times? Why is it that I want to gently bite your silky soft ears every time I see them? Why is it that whenever we go to buy you a dress, we come back with three? Why is it that when I am in office I can’t resist the urge to pick up my phone every half an hour to see a picture of yours? Why is that I melt like a chocolate every time you look at me endearingly with these big eyes and a beaming smile as you jump up and down in excitement? Why is it that I feel I have infinite energy inside me when I am jumping and singing and dancing with you? Why is it that I feel I am a child all over again? So many questions. So many emotions. So many memories. I don’t know but I don’t want to lose any of it. I know I will but I am sure you will replace those with more amazing and exhilarating antics of yours.
I guess I can go on and I sure will. I will keep pouring my heart out into these letters. These will serve as my version of the Hogwarts’ pensieve (remember Albus Dumbeldore’s memory machine) to immortalize and crystallize some of the many beautiful and precious memories of your childhood. I guess you will read them when you read them. And probably you will laugh at some of the silliness in those letters like any adult would. But I hope somewhere in the back of your mind, the child in you would vaguely remember your miniature version of the great times we had and giggle gleefully (the toothless version). And then when you look at your old man, you will realize how much he has loved you!